Thursday, 19 February 2015

Better Insults

I am tired of people calling me a nerd, and meaning it as an insult.
Seriously, you thick headed giant, what stone do you reside under, that you still consider "gay" to be an abusive word.
So, for the average abuser, who didn't get the best of the G-pool, whose top floor is definitely not the most crowded at this time of year (or any time of year, to be honest), allow me to give you a list of effective insults that will have your target curl into a ball and cry themselves to sleep ON THE SPOT!**
1. Stop talking. I can feel my IQ seep through the floor.
2. Was that a five letter word? See, I told you, there's always room for improvement if you try!
3. If ET and hobbits decided to mate more often, you'd have a lot more brothers and sisters walking around.
4. I bet you think "a lot" is one word.
5. You seem like the sort of person who still supports Lance Armstrong.
6. I bet you think (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2.
7. You are the reason I avoid talking to humans!
8. Hey there! I'm human. What are you?
9. If two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and one had rampaging hippos and one end, and the other one had you; I'd choose the hippos.
10. After talking to you, I know why some animals eat their young.
11. Wait - do you hear that? That is the Universe telling you to shut up.

And there you have it. Insults to make that duffer cry, and allow you enough time to get away, as he deciphers that insult, before he modifies your face with his fist shaped hammer.

**results may vary