Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Things I Hate About Myself

I have the attention span, the range of a teaspoon. Honestly, my mind is like the Related Videos section of Youtube. 
I'll be sitting at home, doing Math, and I swear this exactly is the chain of thoughts that my mind follows - 
"Okay, straight lines. The y - intercept is at... is that a mark on the paper? Oh - look! Its shaped like a star! Hmm... star. Sky. Heaven. God. Satan. Hell. Dante. Inferno. Dan Brown. Robert Langdon. Harvard. College. Studies. Math. Where was I? Ah - yes, straight lines." And all this will probably have happened in a span of about three seconds. I swear, if thoughts were people, my mind would be a slut.


I procrastinate like it is my job. I will open Khan Academy on my laptop, and I will see a notification on my G-Mail tab. So what do I say to myself? Let us keep the video loading, and have a tiny peek. Five hours later I will be reading book reviews off Amazon trying to decide which one to buy for my birthday which is still three months away. And I KNOW when I'm opening the Mail tab, that nothing good can come off this, but no - my mind insists on being stupid. Honestly, why Preetha? Why? 


If they gave out Oscars for messiness(that a word?), I'd be like the opposite of Leonardo Dicaprio.
Not even kidding - I found a pair of socks that day on my study table. And the things my mother unearths from the pockets of my jeans! Tissues, toothpicks, toffee wrappers, bits of foil, coins, crumpled notes, pencil shavings(I do not even know), hair clips, rubber bands, random scraps of paper, and once, a dead squirrel. Okay I made that last one up. 
I keep things lying anywhere, and by 'anywhere' I mean just about anywhere. I found my "lost" headphones from the back of my dressing table the other day. I bought a new Chem notebook, had the notes photocopied and all in all wasted thirty minutes of my precious life in the hunt for it after giving up in morbid hopelessness, only to discover it under my bed four days after it had "been stolen"(that was the excuse I told my parents). UNDER my bed. At this point in time I do not even ask myself how. 


I switch conversations. I may have ADHD - I dunno. I mean, I will be like, "So then I told the teacher to go shove her - Oooh look free food!"
Okay not exactly like that, but something along those lines. I try to do 88 different things all at once, and since I already have an amazing attention span(refer to point 1), I fail depressingly at every single one of them -_-
I have an unhealthy obsession with reading. I know, I know. Reading is a wonderful hobby that everyone should inculcate, blah blah. But hear me out. I have had a time, where I read ten books, in seven days. And I am talking 500 page plus books(without pictures. Just in case you were wondering). I did not talk, sleep,eat,poop, nothing. I lay on my bed and read and read and read. My parents grew so alarmed that they had to ban my Flipkart usage. Even now, when I am in decidedly the worst part of my school days, and I do not have time to comb my hair in the morning, I still read avidly (Proof, biatch : Reading List). 

For now, that's it. I mean ofcourse there is more - but the list is sort of never ending and lets face it, I have already shelved my self respect enough for one post don't you think? 
If you could relate, then imagine me lightly patting your back offering sympathy. If not then 
Congratulations. You are superhuman. 

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Versatile Blogger Award (Yay!)

They say I blog, and I blog versatile.
At least one person does. 
*Prepare for burst of girly squealing and weird spellings and wayy too many exclamation marks*
AKANSHAAA!! Youu gem!!! You absolute gemmmmm! Thankss!! Remind me to hug you in school! :D :D :D

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I can thank you like a normal person and not sound like a chihuahua on steroids. 
People of the world (or those who are reading this post) I hereby declare that Akansha of is officially, Awesome. 
Welcome to the club, Akansha. 
She just nominated me for the "Versatile Blogger Award" which is pretty neat, and awfully nice of her. 
So here are the rules for the award :
1. First of all,give the link and name of the blogger who nominated you, in your post.
2. Secondly,share 7 facts about you.
3. Lastly,nominate any number of fellow bloggers for the same.

So, having already done Step 1, I move on to step 2.
7 Facts about me, coming right up.

1. My hobby changes depending on my mood, but right now its sleeep. You can simply command me to, and I might just fall asleep on the basketball court. 

2.  I seem like I may punch you in the face from afar (at least my general facial expression is like "look dude, I just stepped on dog poop, after having lost my phone and if you mess with me, even like a teensy bit, I will ensure that the entirity of your family is cleansed off the face of Earth.") but I am actually a wuss and people do not really know this about me. I am the biggest scaredy cat you shall ever have the honour of meeting. (Hi!) 

3.  I have a really cool room. Courtesy, Pankhuri Gupta. I helped too, of course. 

4.  I am extremely cheesy, even though I seem the complete opposite. Stay with me for a week - I will change your perceptions of me. Also, I crack really bad jokes. Really bad Science-y jokes.
"Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t." 

5. I am very, very competitive. I do not say it out loud, but I noted the fact that you walked faster than me to class today. 
And tomorrow, I will beat the crap out of your ass.

6.I do not like writing about my self so I found this post to be one of the hardest ones I have ever written, hence the delay. I mean I can go on all day about what I think, feel, views etc. but tell me to write one line about myself and I am blank.

7. I am out of points :)
Basically I am a very boring person :P

I now nominate 
1. Aditi of Unidentified
2. Rutvi of Words, They Matter
3. Sam of A Blast of Random4. Apurva of Banjarann

Go ahead guys! Best of luck :)

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

In honour of 'Gavaran'

So first and foremost, let me clarify that this post has a target audience of like, 8 people. And non Desi people who'll be reading this will probably be all like 

over the title. So for my non - Desi readers, a little 411 about what a 'Gavaar' is. 'Gavaaran' is essentially a feminine form of that.
Legend says that 
"can also be used to describe a brown guy who: 

thinks slicked back hair and mustache looks good, has a tendency to sing bollywood songs under his breath as girls walk by, bobs his head from side to side while talking, wears pastel or neon silk button downs tucked into acid-washed jeans, likes "road trips" to jackson heights at midnight, adhemently denies that he's a fob even though it's so obvious, thinks wearing netted shirts is hot, likes to say things like "tehri ma", collects cell phones from family members, thinks dancing bhangra with other men makes him irresistible to women, buys clothing with any sort of big logo on it i.e. armani exchange, has a really loud nasaly voice and says "shit" a lot to show how cool and american he is, doesn't leave home without his bluetooth, and is really really unattractive. 

can also be used to describe a brown girl who: 

is obsessed with shahrukh khan, doesn't leave home without eyeliner, has been getting her arms waxed since she was 12, likes "road trips" to starbucks during family parties, collects (fake) coach bags, likes to wear bright colors with head-to-toe matching accessories, adhemently denies that she's a fob even though it's so obvious, fakes an accent so she sounds like a bollywood actress, likes place dance routines for family parties so boys will look at her, tends to wear "shalwar" tops with jeans to the mall, has been getting her hair high-lighted since she was 12 but claims it's from the sun, flirts with her guy cousins in hopes that he or one of his ultra-cool fobby friends will marry her, talks really loud in a nasal voice while saying "omg he is so desi", and is really really unattractive (but not as unattractive as the guys because they are really really really unattractive.)"

 PS : And that legend, was Urban Dictionary.
So this Gavaaran who I am talking about, actually managed to survive 16 years without being murdered by someone for being so damn annoying about her movie guessing skills in dumb charades. My thoery is that she can read your mind, and guesses the movie you are thinking of before you've started acting it. If Sheldon Cooper had a slightly younger sister who was into movies, that would be her. 
She is such a fail, that even tattoo shops rejected from tattooing her. That's like being told by Kesha that you need autocorrect. 
And when One Republic came to that they were her favorite band, they decided that it was too much to bear and broke up*. 
But here's the thing about this Gavaaran, in all seriousness. Even though its been proven that she is crazy (ask her for the certificate. Its a prized posession of hers), and is incapable of standing/sitting/being still for a single second, and is extremely cocky about her knowledge of films (:P), and keeps grinning, rather idiotically I might add, all the freaking time; She has this way of making everyone she meets love her unconditionally. 
Gavaaran, you were the first person whom I hadn't pestered about reviews, to tell me that you enjoyed my blog and I cannot tell you how much that made my day. So, even though I could not attend your sixteenth birthday, here's hoping that reading this post made yours. 
Happy Belated. 

And that is her on a normal day. Yes, she gets crazier than that.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

Better Insults

I am tired of people calling me a nerd, and meaning it as an insult.
Seriously, you thick headed giant, what stone do you reside under, that you still consider "gay" to be an abusive word.
So, for the average abuser, who didn't get the best of the G-pool, whose top floor is definitely not the most crowded at this time of year (or any time of year, to be honest), allow me to give you a list of effective insults that will have your target curl into a ball and cry themselves to sleep ON THE SPOT!**
1. Stop talking. I can feel my IQ seep through the floor.
2. Was that a five letter word? See, I told you, there's always room for improvement if you try!
3. If ET and hobbits decided to mate more often, you'd have a lot more brothers and sisters walking around.
4. I bet you think "a lot" is one word.
5. You seem like the sort of person who still supports Lance Armstrong.
6. I bet you think (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2.
7. You are the reason I avoid talking to humans!
8. Hey there! I'm human. What are you?
9. If two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and one had rampaging hippos and one end, and the other one had you; I'd choose the hippos.
10. After talking to you, I know why some animals eat their young.
11. Wait - do you hear that? That is the Universe telling you to shut up.

And there you have it. Insults to make that duffer cry, and allow you enough time to get away, as he deciphers that insult, before he modifies your face with his fist shaped hammer.

**results may vary 

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Worst Weekend of my Life

Following is an excerpt from my own diary.  This is from around the time of one of my best friends' birthday. Thought you should have more stuff to laugh at. Enjoy.

Dear Diary,
This week has been so stressful, I swear someone has to have done some voodoo. So this is to whoever's sticking needles into a doll with my face on it - "Hi - yeah. Please stop. You have done anough damage."
And this weekend was the WORST one of my decidedly unhappening life. Even though it saddens to say this - Adi's(Aditi - said best friend whose birthday weekend was the worst of my life. Explained that in case you were a tubelight.) birthday weekend sucked, despite a pretty awesome party. 
So basically, the idea was that we'd catch the 5:45 show of Fault in our Stars (just to give you context - conservatively estimating, I have read the book TFIOS an approximate 23 times till date. So I was dying to watch it, is an understatement.) after coaching ended at 5. Then we'd hog at the food court, and come home. Pretty awesome, right? (Not.)
So event number 1 happened.
As soon as I stepped outside the Metro to shoulder my bag, I noticed, "Hey wait - this ain't my bag." And basically, I am supposed to go watch a movie I am dying to watch at 5:45, and here I am at the Metro station at 5:15 with my head in my hands. So I open this bag - and this is what I find :

  • 2 Makeup Kits
  • 4 credit cards
  • A smartphone(without SIM)
  • 2 peices of gold jewellery
  • 1000 rupee bills literally bursting out of every zip of the bag.
Basically everything except her (I presumed it was a her with all the makeup) contact details. 
Thankfully, the other woman had the presence of mind to open my bag to look at the study booklets with my Coaching's name on it, to which she went and my contact details were retrieved easily thanks to my weird name. So I meet up with her at 5:35, movie's about to start at 5:45 and I zip into the waiting car to somehow reach the hall on time, with my hair all over the place, my clothes wrinkled, my glasses askew and my face sweaty (I am the picture of elegance at times, I tell you.)
Now what do I realise? 
I left my gift that I bought in the bag ( my own bag, just FYI) which I gave to my parents in the car. 
So I am the moron who is stuffing a third helping of cake while my best friend is surrounded by twenty people opening their gifts. 
The movie began, and was pretty awesome. But then someone spillt coke all over my jeans, then trod on my feet. Then did not say Sorry. Thanks a lot, assistant of Satan.

Event 2(Yep. Its not over yet.)
I left my glasses at my swimming pool, and had to literally run all the way to fetch them( did I mention I hate running). And then I got a shit load of scolding as a bumper bonus.

Event 3
I lost my Metro card - AFTER recharging it with 300 bucks

Event 4
My school started. I have tests next week.

Event 5
Did I tell you I have not started studying for them yet?

I believe the Germans say it best, Gott Verdammt.

Your highness,
(I always sign off with a ' Your Highness' . Dunno why.)