Thursday, 17 May 2018

Change | Growth | I Don't Know?

Confession : I am scared. 

I hate change. I question my parents changing the morbid curtains in my room, let alone allowing the entirety of my support system to be picked up and literally be thrown across the four corners of the world. I am scared of unfamiliarity. Of faces I don't know. Of feeling intimidated again. 

I don't like my friends going off to college, not because I am insecure that they'll forget me, but because I'm scared we'll both change. And that my change will somehow be different to their change and that, in future will somehow miraculously stop our friendship from you know, existing. Its not like dissimilar people haven't been friends before, its just that I have been extremely specific throughout my short lived life to have made friends who are very, very like me.  


I wrote the two paragraphs above before going to college, around two years ago and then promptly forgot about the existence (/suppressed the terrible writings?) of this blog until today. As you can see, before going to college, as I succinctly put it - I was shitting my pants. I was dead scared of change, and oh dear God has change occurred. 

I wonder if my fear was justified. Because change, sirs and maam's (who am I kidding I am 825% sure no one reads this blog) has definitely occurred but maybe, I kind of like it sometimes. To update you, yes my support system was flung mercilessly across the four corners of the world. My friends are now thousands of kilometres, sometimes a few time zones away. Have we changed? Yes. Whether that is for the better or for the worse, only time will tell. 

What about the faces I don't know? What about the intimidation? It happened. 

And now the faces I did not know are faces without whom I cannot imagine life. The intimidation has bubbled into friendship, and hatred and anger and love and everything but intimidation. And maybe that's what growth is. I have tried time and again, to try to understand the meaning of the word but maybe this is the definition I might settle down for. 

Maybe, growth is getting over that intimidation to realise that the reason for the intimidation wasn't so bad after all. Perhaps maturity is realising that the intimidation will come again. Maybe that's why they say we never stop growing. 

I should write more often. And by more often I mean maybe more than once in two years.  

Tuesday, 10 May 2016

Coffee Rants

...Well, this is awkward.
I usually HATE any sort of self advertising. But screw it, we reaaaally need it. So my best friend and I started what every other bored teenager does nowadays - a YouTube channel. Because, for me, get laughed at here was just not enough. Without further ado, here's our channel. Please view. Plaz.
Click here for the awesomez
(No seriously, you want me to beg? )
K. Thanks. Byee. 

Friday, 1 April 2016

Lack of Post Exam Exhiliration

So my boards just ended. (Boards are essentially the 12th grade exams that every kid in India needs to give to go pass school. It is one of the biggest exams in the world in terms of magnitude. ) I cannot physically explain to you how long I have waited for these exams to end. For a whole year, March of 2015 to be precise, these exams were the only thing that I studied around 8 hours a day for. 

So on 26th, when I stepped out of the exam hall, all in a blaze of glory and joy, the world outside seemed... normal as ef. The weather was still shitty, the roads were still crowded, and the air just as polluted. Nothing had changed. 

And then it hit me. 

You spend the entire year, fantasizing about what you'll do once Boards get over and Oh My God the fun you will have and it will be Oh so glorious and you will have the time of your life but that time never comes. Or when it does you are almost always disappointed. I had imagined butterflies and unicorns with rainbow coloured tails and ice cream and golden retriever puppies frollicking through fields of wheat during my post-exam days. But what I do get, is sweaty cycling sessions, mindless YouTube watching, and endless hours of sleeping in.

We keep on talking of the future but in reality the future is just a tool for escaping the present. And I came to that sad conclusion while watching a re-re-run of Pitchers. 

Excuse me, I have to go fantasize about how awesome my college life is going to be. 

Wednesday, 11 November 2015

Things I Hate About Myself

I have the attention span, the range of a teaspoon. Honestly, my mind is like the Related Videos section of Youtube. 
I'll be sitting at home, doing Math, and I swear this exactly is the chain of thoughts that my mind follows - 
"Okay, straight lines. The y - intercept is at... is that a mark on the paper? Oh - look! Its shaped like a star! Hmm... star. Sky. Heaven. God. Satan. Hell. Dante. Inferno. Dan Brown. Robert Langdon. Harvard. College. Studies. Math. Where was I? Ah - yes, straight lines." And all this will probably have happened in a span of about three seconds. I swear, if thoughts were people, my mind would be a slut.


I procrastinate like it is my job. I will open Khan Academy on my laptop, and I will see a notification on my G-Mail tab. So what do I say to myself? Let us keep the video loading, and have a tiny peek. Five hours later I will be reading book reviews off Amazon trying to decide which one to buy for my birthday which is still three months away. And I KNOW when I'm opening the Mail tab, that nothing good can come off this, but no - my mind insists on being stupid. Honestly, why Preetha? Why? 


If they gave out Oscars for messiness(that a word?), I'd be like the opposite of Leonardo Dicaprio.
Not even kidding - I found a pair of socks that day on my study table. And the things my mother unearths from the pockets of my jeans! Tissues, toothpicks, toffee wrappers, bits of foil, coins, crumpled notes, pencil shavings(I do not even know), hair clips, rubber bands, random scraps of paper, and once, a dead squirrel. Okay I made that last one up. 
I keep things lying anywhere, and by 'anywhere' I mean just about anywhere. I found my "lost" headphones from the back of my dressing table the other day. I bought a new Chem notebook, had the notes photocopied and all in all wasted thirty minutes of my precious life in the hunt for it after giving up in morbid hopelessness, only to discover it under my bed four days after it had "been stolen"(that was the excuse I told my parents). UNDER my bed. At this point in time I do not even ask myself how. 


I switch conversations. I may have ADHD - I dunno. I mean, I will be like, "So then I told the teacher to go shove her - Oooh look free food!"
Okay not exactly like that, but something along those lines. I try to do 88 different things all at once, and since I already have an amazing attention span(refer to point 1), I fail depressingly at every single one of them -_-
I have an unhealthy obsession with reading. I know, I know. Reading is a wonderful hobby that everyone should inculcate, blah blah. But hear me out. I have had a time, where I read ten books, in seven days. And I am talking 500 page plus books(without pictures. Just in case you were wondering). I did not talk, sleep,eat,poop, nothing. I lay on my bed and read and read and read. My parents grew so alarmed that they had to ban my Flipkart usage. Even now, when I am in decidedly the worst part of my school days, and I do not have time to comb my hair in the morning, I still read avidly (Proof, biatch : Reading List). 

For now, that's it. I mean ofcourse there is more - but the list is sort of never ending and lets face it, I have already shelved my self respect enough for one post don't you think? 
If you could relate, then imagine me lightly patting your back offering sympathy. If not then 
Congratulations. You are superhuman. 

Saturday, 20 June 2015

Versatile Blogger Award (Yay!)

They say I blog, and I blog versatile.
At least one person does. 
*Prepare for burst of girly squealing and weird spellings and wayy too many exclamation marks*
AKANSHAAA!! Youu gem!!! You absolute gemmmmm! Thankss!! Remind me to hug you in school! :D :D :D

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, I can thank you like a normal person and not sound like a chihuahua on steroids. 
People of the world (or those who are reading this post) I hereby declare that Akansha of is officially, Awesome. 
Welcome to the club, Akansha. 
She just nominated me for the "Versatile Blogger Award" which is pretty neat, and awfully nice of her. 
So here are the rules for the award :
1. First of all,give the link and name of the blogger who nominated you, in your post.
2. Secondly,share 7 facts about you.
3. Lastly,nominate any number of fellow bloggers for the same.

So, having already done Step 1, I move on to step 2.
7 Facts about me, coming right up.

1. My hobby changes depending on my mood, but right now its sleeep. You can simply command me to, and I might just fall asleep on the basketball court. 

2.  I seem like I may punch you in the face from afar (at least my general facial expression is like "look dude, I just stepped on dog poop, after having lost my phone and if you mess with me, even like a teensy bit, I will ensure that the entirity of your family is cleansed off the face of Earth.") but I am actually a wuss and people do not really know this about me. I am the biggest scaredy cat you shall ever have the honour of meeting. (Hi!) 

3.  I have a really cool room. Courtesy, Pankhuri Gupta. I helped too, of course. 

4.  I am extremely cheesy, even though I seem the complete opposite. Stay with me for a week - I will change your perceptions of me. Also, I crack really bad jokes. Really bad Science-y jokes.
"Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And doesn’t." 

5. I am very, very competitive. I do not say it out loud, but I noted the fact that you walked faster than me to class today. 
And tomorrow, I will beat the crap out of your ass.

6.I do not like writing about my self so I found this post to be one of the hardest ones I have ever written, hence the delay. I mean I can go on all day about what I think, feel, views etc. but tell me to write one line about myself and I am blank.

7. I am out of points :)
Basically I am a very boring person :P

I now nominate 
1. Aditi of Unidentified
2. Rutvi of Words, They Matter
3. Sam of A Blast of Random4. Apurva of Banjarann

Go ahead guys! Best of luck :)

Tuesday, 17 March 2015

In honour of 'Gavaran'

So first and foremost, let me clarify that this post has a target audience of like, 8 people. And non Desi people who'll be reading this will probably be all like 

over the title. So for my non - Desi readers, a little 411 about what a 'Gavaar' is. 'Gavaaran' is essentially a feminine form of that.
Legend says that 
"can also be used to describe a brown guy who: 

thinks slicked back hair and mustache looks good, has a tendency to sing bollywood songs under his breath as girls walk by, bobs his head from side to side while talking, wears pastel or neon silk button downs tucked into acid-washed jeans, likes "road trips" to jackson heights at midnight, adhemently denies that he's a fob even though it's so obvious, thinks wearing netted shirts is hot, likes to say things like "tehri ma", collects cell phones from family members, thinks dancing bhangra with other men makes him irresistible to women, buys clothing with any sort of big logo on it i.e. armani exchange, has a really loud nasaly voice and says "shit" a lot to show how cool and american he is, doesn't leave home without his bluetooth, and is really really unattractive. 

can also be used to describe a brown girl who: 

is obsessed with shahrukh khan, doesn't leave home without eyeliner, has been getting her arms waxed since she was 12, likes "road trips" to starbucks during family parties, collects (fake) coach bags, likes to wear bright colors with head-to-toe matching accessories, adhemently denies that she's a fob even though it's so obvious, fakes an accent so she sounds like a bollywood actress, likes place dance routines for family parties so boys will look at her, tends to wear "shalwar" tops with jeans to the mall, has been getting her hair high-lighted since she was 12 but claims it's from the sun, flirts with her guy cousins in hopes that he or one of his ultra-cool fobby friends will marry her, talks really loud in a nasal voice while saying "omg he is so desi", and is really really unattractive (but not as unattractive as the guys because they are really really really unattractive.)"

 PS : And that legend, was Urban Dictionary.
So this Gavaaran who I am talking about, actually managed to survive 16 years without being murdered by someone for being so damn annoying about her movie guessing skills in dumb charades. My thoery is that she can read your mind, and guesses the movie you are thinking of before you've started acting it. If Sheldon Cooper had a slightly younger sister who was into movies, that would be her. 
She is such a fail, that even tattoo shops rejected from tattooing her. That's like being told by Kesha that you need autocorrect. 
And when One Republic came to that they were her favorite band, they decided that it was too much to bear and broke up*. 
But here's the thing about this Gavaaran, in all seriousness. Even though its been proven that she is crazy (ask her for the certificate. Its a prized posession of hers), and is incapable of standing/sitting/being still for a single second, and is extremely cocky about her knowledge of films (:P), and keeps grinning, rather idiotically I might add, all the freaking time; She has this way of making everyone she meets love her unconditionally. 
Gavaaran, you were the first person whom I hadn't pestered about reviews, to tell me that you enjoyed my blog and I cannot tell you how much that made my day. So, even though I could not attend your sixteenth birthday, here's hoping that reading this post made yours. 
Happy Belated. 

And that is her on a normal day. Yes, she gets crazier than that.

Thursday, 19 February 2015

Better Insults

I am tired of people calling me a nerd, and meaning it as an insult.
Seriously, you thick headed giant, what stone do you reside under, that you still consider "gay" to be an abusive word.
So, for the average abuser, who didn't get the best of the G-pool, whose top floor is definitely not the most crowded at this time of year (or any time of year, to be honest), allow me to give you a list of effective insults that will have your target curl into a ball and cry themselves to sleep ON THE SPOT!**
1. Stop talking. I can feel my IQ seep through the floor.
2. Was that a five letter word? See, I told you, there's always room for improvement if you try!
3. If ET and hobbits decided to mate more often, you'd have a lot more brothers and sisters walking around.
4. I bet you think "a lot" is one word.
5. You seem like the sort of person who still supports Lance Armstrong.
6. I bet you think (a+b)^2 = a^2 + b^2.
7. You are the reason I avoid talking to humans!
8. Hey there! I'm human. What are you?
9. If two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and one had rampaging hippos and one end, and the other one had you; I'd choose the hippos.
10. After talking to you, I know why some animals eat their young.
11. Wait - do you hear that? That is the Universe telling you to shut up.

And there you have it. Insults to make that duffer cry, and allow you enough time to get away, as he deciphers that insult, before he modifies your face with his fist shaped hammer.

**results may vary